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The Ten Worst Mariners Free Agent Signings Ever

By Ben Renner

Aug 22, 2016; Seattle, WA, USA; Seattle Mariners general manger Jerry Dipoto laughs with one of his players during batting practice before a game against the New York Yankees at Safeco Field. Seattle defeated New York, 7-5. Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports
Aug 22, 2016; Seattle, WA, USA; Seattle Mariners general manger Jerry Dipoto laughs with one of his players during batting practice before a game against the New York Yankees at Safeco Field. Seattle defeated New York, 7-5. Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports /
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Thankfully, the Mariners don’t have a player on the roster who closely resembles Carl Everett, but trade bait Seth Smith is the closest. Sorry, Seth. Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports /

8. Carl Everett

2016 equivalent: Seth Smith

Carl Everett makes this list despite his mercifully short time with the team and his relatively low free agent price (one year, $4 million) in part because of his awful off-field personality. Fresh off replacing the Big Hurt himself in Chicago and winning a World Series in 2005, the Bill Bavasi, possibly in an acid-induced fog, decided to offer Everett a one-year tender. He was released about half-way through the season after slashing .227/.297/.360 (as the DH!) with two home runs and 23 RBI. Again, he was a designated hitter rarely asked to play in the field.

Everett’s struggles at the plate in his brief Mariners tenure (the final MLB team he would play for) aren’t the only reason he makes this list. During his two-year stint in Boston before he came to Seattle, Everett told reporters one day that he didn’t believe in dinosaurs. Really, it’s true. I don’t want to quote and reproduce this nonsense on my sports blog, but suffice it to say that because Everett didn’t see any mention of dinosaurs in the Bible, he decided they were elaborate hoaxes planted in the ground the world over. Boston Globe writer Dan Shaughnessy started calling him “Jurassic Carl” in response, which must have just gotten his goat.

Everett was brought in part to add some sock to the middle of the lineup and to revive a clubhouse torn apart by mismanagement and losing. He was a failure on both counts in Seattle. Instead, Everett got in a screaming match with manager Mike Hargrove (a nominee for worst Mariners manager ever, but that’s another article) before he was jettisoned and contributed no leadership or…whatever Bavasi thought he would bring to the dugout.

Why Bavasi thought Everett would bring any kind of positivity or leadership to the team is beyond my understanding. The season before he came to the Mariners, he said “I don’t believe in being gay” in an interview with Maxim. In 2011, he was arrested at his home in Tampa after allegedly held a handgun to the head of his wife of 18 years.

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