To Hell With All Of This

Before this series started, wetalked about shifting tidesin the American League. The Seattle Mariners represented the old – the power we were expecting before the season started. The Houston Astros played the role of the new – the current, unexpected real-world powerhouse.Felix Hernandezvs.Carlos Correa, all of that… this series was sure to definesomethingby the time it was over.

Then Felix went and threw the worst start of his career, but not before getting Correa to K. Which, you know, wasthe only out recorded on the day by Felix Hernandez, all-time great Mariner.The M’s best pitcher by WAR this year is nowJ.A. Happ. We were shocked, stunned, devastated, and yet to even board the roller coaster, which I’m pretty sure we were just ejected from mid-loop.

Yesterday’s game was wonderful – they won eight to one!Mike Montgomerysure is something, maybe. Remember whatShane Greenelooked like after three starts and where he is now, of course, but hey, take whatever positives you can, right?Logan MorrisonandAustin Jacksonmight be okay. After yesterday, we were tricked into feeling pretty alright.

And then today’s mess, withRoenis Eliastaking a beating whileLance McCullersthrew an excellent game. Or maybe he was terrible, and the M’s bats were just themselves. We’ll never know, unless we already do. Astrosthirteen, Marinerszero, of course. To hell with this team. To hell with all of this.

I like it when the Mariners are good. I obviously also enjoy them when they’re excellent, or very good, or even just above-average. You know what, I can get into the Mariners when they’re just okay, too, and I’ve gotten myself pretty good at liking the M’s even when they’re mediocre. These M’s have some good, likable players, and probably shouldn’t be this bad. But they are, and I can’t stand it. Or them. I can not stand this team.

Like, make up your mind, you guys, are you going to just roll over and play dead or actually give this whole winning thing a shot like you do once every three or four days? It sounds like sloppy insubstantial broadcaster mumbo jumbo, and it largely is, but doesn’t it seem like this team only bears down and gives it their all a couple times a week? Maybe it’s because of their plate discipline issues. It probably is, in fact, though that’s hardly comforting.

The Mariners are bad, and they’ve looked first toWelington Castilloand now toMark Trumboto help turn things around. Those two (andVidal Nuno) have combined for -0.9 WAR in 65 plate appearances. And they were traded for each other! Trumbo has been unthinkably awful so far, and tell me it doesn’t justfeellike he’s going to stay this way forever. He probably will. That’s what the Mariners do to players.

To hell with all this. The Mariners have turned in a season that has been every bit as infuriating as it has been disappointing. I’m less bummed that they’re doing poorly and more mad at myself for continuing to get all puppy dog excited whenever they successfully score a guy from third on a sac fly. I’m a sucker. We’re all suckers, and our favorite team sucks. This sucks.

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