Seattle Mariners Lose, Suck


The Seattle Mariners just wrapped up their longest homestand of the season! Did you make it down to Safeco Field to take in the sights and sounds of baseball? Most beautiful sport in the world, ya know, and my oh my was this ever a good couple of weeks’ worth of baseball-watching weather. If you made it to Safeco, odds are you saw the Mariners lose. Surprise, surprise. The Mariners suck.

The hope this year was that the Mariners would be good. Everyone thought they would be! If you expected the M’s to win a lot of games, well, safe to say you weren’t alone. Most people were picking them for somewhere in the 90 win range, and those predictions were backed up by the projections. This team had the makings of greatness. It’s just that… that’s not going to happen. Not this year. Not these M’s.

With today’s more-or-less-expected loss to Chris Archer and the Tampa Bay Rays, the M’s wrapped up a homestand in which they played eleven games. Of those, they managed two wins. Two! Wins! That’s nine losses, and two wins. Two is only two more than zero. Nine is much more than zero.

They lost three of four to Cleveland. They were swept by the Yankees. They lose three of four to Tampa Bay. This wasn’t the worst-case scenario – the worst-case scenario was eleven losses. Doesn’t make stretch any less awful, emotionally speaking. Maybe worse, since if they lost eleven straight at home (coming off a sweep of the Rays, mind you) we’d just be laughing at how flabbergastingly bad this team is. Two wins gives us hope. Stupid to say it, but it’s true, I guess.

What more is there to say about this team? They lost a bunch of games, traded for Mark Trumbo, and then lost some more games. Trumbo has been worse than he usually is, which, of course, is a) tiny sample noise and b) par for the course. What, you think Trumbo is going to hit .250/.300/.500 in Seattle? He’s going to hit .200/.250/.300 with, like, two home runs. It’s going to suck. This is what the Mariners do to baseball players.

Tomorrow there will be no baseball, but the day after that the M’s will play the Indians in Cleveland. Maybe they do great, and maybe we feel great about them at the end of the day. But I doubt it.

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